So What Am I Supposed To Do Tomorrow?

unemployed baddie diaries

This morning my alarm went off at a stupid hour, I don’t even want to say how early because it makes my stomach hurt, but yeah the first of four alarms I set went off. I got up after the second one, I usually do. Something else I usually do is set the alarms again for the next day, but I stopped myself because I’m not going to work tomorrow.

Today was my last day.

I’ve been counting down the weeks since mid-March. I remember when I couldn’t wait until I only had about ten weeks left because ten is a number I could wrap my head around, I could comprehend, hold it in my hand.

How did ten weeks go by so fast? How did all of this time go by so fast?

I was reading some old journal entries yesterday and on a random day in Nov 2022 I wrote “My life just keeps going on and on, no matter what I do.” It’s like wow. Everyday turns into night and then the morning and then again and I’m just like okay?! That’s fine I guess? Sure, keep it coming. Shrugs.

This time last year if you could’ve told me I would have my debt paid off, quit my job, put my shit in a storage unit and take off honestly I would’ve believed you. I would also really really want time to hurry up because if there’s one thing I’m going to do its wish my life away.

I was coming home from Japan this time last year and I really did not want to return. Partly because Japan is awesome, but also because I did not want to come back to my life. I owed seven stacks on a car that didn’t start and about the same amount on my credit card. Being in debt makes me feel like I’m under ten thousand weighted blankets and then someone farts. It’s torture.

So for the next eight months I budgeted smarter than I had in years. I paid off and scrapped my car and paid off my credit card debt two months earlier than I anticipated. I started adding any extra money into my savings account. The feeling of watching your savings account grow is so blissful, especially after being in debt. I’m in awe of how much I’ve been able to save in just a few months.

I’m proud of myself.

So yeah. I sit surrounded by boxes, most are still empty. I move out in one week. I’ve started packing but you know how that goes. I pack and then it turns into a fashion show and then I’m reading old journal entries about my soulmate from Madrid who I met in Honolulu in Jan. 2022. Spoiler alert: he met someone else.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming, ahem. So yeah, today was my last day at a job that I’ve had for almost a decade. It was one of the only things I knew how to do. It was a large part of my life for so long. I experienced so much during the time I spent there. I managed people, had my first big heartbreak, I even got a f’n college degree while working there.

Last night, the night before my last shift I just kept wanting there to always be one more day left. One more shift, one more time. I didn’t want to go on my last day because if I go then it’ll happen and it’ll be over and I’ll change.

sad but so necessary.